Cooking: It does a cluttered mind good.

I have boundless energy this Tuesday morning.  Make no mistake, a fair portion of this is self-administered by means of my old friend, caffeine.  However, much of it has to do with the fact that I am 3 weeks into the elimination diet and am feeling fabulous.  Oh and there is also the small matter of our daughter sleeping from 630pm straight through the night for.the.first.time.ever!  In fact, she was still sleeping when I left the house at 6am.

Thank you god.

Or perhaps I should say, thank you Aurora.

And I needed that uninterrupted sleep like you cannot imagine.  One area of my life is disintegrating right before my very eyes and I am a ball of stress when it comes to that.  And dude:  I wish I could discuss what has me wound so freaking tightly. 

But alas, I cannot.  Unfortunately, the possibility of prying eyes has me keeping my mouth shut and my fingers off the keys.  It would be so very helpful if I could just spill it out all over this blog, but I am going to refrain.  Suffice it to say that my trust has been shattered yet again and it is bringing up issues and thoughts and feelings I'd thought I had packed up and moved to the proverbial storage shelf 8 years ago.

Apparently I have not.

Apparently, I can still find myself wandering around my house, my stomach in knots, holding imaginary conversations of things I so want to say to people in my head.  I am hurt and angry and feeling like a small child once more.  I also don't know who I can trust besides my husband and my best friend.

This is unfortunate because I am certain they are going to soon tire of my unyielding need to process what is happening and I don't speak aloud even 1/4 of what is spiraling around in my head at any given moment.  I have a hurricane of emotion spinning inside of me just raging to get out and storm all over everyone and everything.

Instead of doing that, I am throwing myself into anything and everything to keep my mind off the elephant in the closet.  Last night, I started making candy for Moose at 830pm to eat today.  It worked.  As soon as I started measuring out brown sugar and butter, preheating the oven, laying out cookie sheets, the incessant gnawing feeling in the pit of my belly began to subside.

I foresee a great deal of cooking in my future.  A great deal of cooking and cleaning and walking, all to clear my mind, my thoughts.

Cooking.  It does a mind good.